When I was a little girl I would dream of getting married at the age of 25 and having a child at the age of 27, with my music career blowing to the sky.
Always thought at this age I would be famous for the world to love and that I would have all the money I needed to build an empire. However like the saying goes, “God watches you plan and he laughs”. Things didn’t turn out like I’d hoped…
It was 2016 when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was scared cause I thought to myself how can I take care of a baby when I could barely take care of myself, I felt lost and confused, I did not know what to tell my family or how to tell the father himself. To be honest I just felt guilty for not doing things the way my family wanted . Even though I was born in the United States, I also understood my culture in Nigeria. I put my doubts aside and ended up telling everyone and suprisingly they were very supportive to me. My biggest support was my mother and she still is. I told her my fears of being a mom outside of wedlock, and she told me “such is life, sometimes things do not go the way you plan”. Only God knows why and that I should be grateful cause a child is a blessing.
Three months had passed, my dad came to me and told me he was scared for my health and he wants me to go back to the US to stay with my mother so she can prepare me properly on the things I needed to know about pregnancy. So I packed my bags and got on the plane to New York! When my mother saw me she was very happy cause all she was thinking about was the fact that she is about to be a Grandmother.
Things were hard I wont lie, alot of things were happening all at once, like with my relationship with the baby’s father, my living situation at the time or the fact that my mother was ill with kidney failure at the time but she was always optimistic and full of faith, even if she was scared she never showed me. All the while I was in New York, I realised I had to put all the fear aside and be brave, not only for me but for my child. I had to sacrifice a lot of my time because she was my number one priority and my baby was and still is my happiness.
The day I went into labour, it snowed for the first time that year. I can remember it like it was yesterday, I remember how cold it was and how I kept screaming “I am not ready! I am not ready!”
The baby should wait! I was in tears cause I was so scared to meet her and at the same time I could not wait to meet her and be out of labour. I was in labour from 11:05am on the 25th of January and my baby Elanni Lawal was born at 12:07pm the next day 26th January. The love I felt for her was very innate! I never felt such love before.
My life changed ever since and all I care about and live for is making myself better than I ever was for her. It is safe to say I am very grateful and thankful for the gift I was given.
Being a mother has been the greatest gift ever!